Monday, October 12, 2009

Where I Am Now, Part One

Apparently there were still some of my friends who didn't know that I had moved yet and looking back, I realized that I had never mentioned that here. After the divorce, my sister and her husband graciously allowed me to stay at their home while everything was being finalized with the divorce, with selling my house, and with me getting back in to the job market. I was there until the end of this last June when I moved in to my own apartment in Draper. As part of the divorce plan, I also agreed to take our dog Sandy with me, while my ex has retained Milo and Maggie. So Sandy and I are attempting to co-exist while I explore what it's like to live completely on my own. Thus far it's been going pretty well, although financially it's still somewhat of a challenge. There's a lot to be said for the peace of mind that comes from achieving independence and stability on your own and it's done wonders for me mentally and emotionally.

Speaking of emotion, the official one year anniversary of my divorce came and went at the end of September. I was unsure of how I would feel and/or react on that date since I'd never really been through it before, but fortunately it ended up being just another day for the most part. I tried to go out and do stuff that day so I wouldn't think about it as much which did help. I can't say I really shed any tears over it since it's difficult to maintain feelings for someone who is willing to let you walk away and tear your family apart. I realize that it would have been difficult for both of us to maintain our desired lifestyles and that we're both probably happier this way. I guess I just always believed that a commitment like marriage would trump problems of that nature and that we could have overcome it somehow. But since that obviously isn't the case and they say that the first year following the divorce is always the hardest, then I'd say I felt relief more than anything, like I'm finally starting to feel like I can move on. I just wish that my daughter didn't have to be so far away from a part of her family that loves her in order to make that happen. Our divorce has been relatively clean in comparison to many others that I've both heard about and am familiar with from people I know, but I still can't help but wonder what affect it will have on my daughter when she's old enough to hear and understand both sides of the story.

The recent dating scene has helped me move on quite a bit. I've met a number of new cool friends/women and have thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with them. It's definitely helped take some of the sting out of dating, just being able to have a good time and not worry about what might happen so much. At this moment in time, I am not committed to exclusively date anyone. But I will say that I've gone on dates with a handful of women that are intriguing possibilities. I don't know how it will all shake out but I've enjoyed getting to know them and don't have the words to thank them for helping build my self confidence :) They are all close to my heart right now. I don't want to give specifics or name names here since they could all possibly read this and I certainly don't want to hurt any feelings, but I could be persuaded to give details in a private setting if asked :)

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Now playing: Switchfoot - Only Hope
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