Monday, October 12, 2009

Daddy's Angel


A grandma/cousin sandwich on the trampoline at my parents house...Jonah on top, Brinley in the middle, Sadie on bottom, with Grandma's arm around the crazies


Yes, Sadie, like her mother, wears flip flops/sandals in the cold weather...this is at Daddy's apartment complex


At the hotel in Weiser, enjoying a snack...Sadie's hair now goes down to the middle of her back and is naturally curly on the ends...who knows where she got that from?


Daddy and Sadie at the Witch display in Gardner Village, West Jordan. And yes, I will do more than that for chocolate...


"Higher Daddy higher!"...amazingly Sadie still has her shoes on at the playground in Weiser


One of my favorite pics ever of my angel, this one now sits on my desk at work :)
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Now playing: Tonic - If You Could Only See
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Where I Am Now, Part Two

School is going pretty well so far, albeit slow of course. We're now at midterm and have fall break this week. I have two classes, Communication and Relationships, and Family Economics. I love the first class of course since that's pretty much my major. The second one not so much. I won't say that there isn't helpful information and strategies that we learn in that class because there is. But I can't help but wonder how many of these calculations and formulas that we really need to memorize? Not because I don't see their value, but because using a program like MS Money or Quicken would calculate most of that stuff for me, so why would I need to do it manually? The class isn't hard necessarily, just seems tedious and overloading information wise sometimes. There also seems to be a lack of concrete answers, since the answer to every strategy question is "it depends on what u want". Well how the hell do I know what I want? I can't say I'll be sad when this class is over. It seems to be more suited for finance geeks which I definitely am not. After this semester, I will need 35.66 more hours (I went one term at the U before they changed to semesters) to graduate with a Bachelors of Science Degree in Interpersonal Communication. At my current rate, that would take me another two years to fulfill. If I decided to go full time, I could have it done in a year. Decisions, decisions....

Work has been pretty slow and it honestly worries me. I was originally told I'd be contract to hire after 90 days, but my 90 days came and went on September 1st and I've heard literally nothing about what will happen. I haven't heard anything that would lead me to believe that they're getting rid of me either, but there's still a lot of uncertainty there in my mind considering the state of our current economy. I really don't want to look for another job again since I loathe the job hunting process, but the longer I go without hearing anything, the more I wonder if I should start looking again. I like my current job and want to stay since I think the role fits me perfectly, but if there is no commitment there, I'm not sure what other choice I have but to look at other options. Trying to meet my current financial obligations with just unemployment is a prospect that makes me shudder to think about :( I'm really hoping Parsons comes through, but also understand that they have to do what they think is best for the company.

My baby is doing fabulous and I'm really so proud of her (pics to come). She is talking so much now that she can have pseudo conversations with me and i can understand most of what she says. She also remembers things we did such as going to the zoo or getting a toy with Grandma (nana) that we did literally weeks ago. Her aptitude and memory are simply astounding and it's made me wonder if we shouldn't have her in some kind of school right now even though it's still pretty early since she won't turn three until January. We're (and I use that term loosely since my ex does most of it) in the midst of potty training her and it's still a work in progress. These are the times that really test you as a parent :) It's really a full time job to get her in the habit of doing it and since going potty is really low on Sadie's life priority list right now (below playing, exploring, eating, watching shows, hassling the dogs, etc.) it could be a while still. She is still growing like a weed as evidenced by the fact that we've bought her new clothes twice this year already She is going to be a 50's style poodle girl (is that what they're called?) for Halloween this year.

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Now playing: Switchfoot - Something More (Augustine's Confession)
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Where I Am Now, Part One

Apparently there were still some of my friends who didn't know that I had moved yet and looking back, I realized that I had never mentioned that here. After the divorce, my sister and her husband graciously allowed me to stay at their home while everything was being finalized with the divorce, with selling my house, and with me getting back in to the job market. I was there until the end of this last June when I moved in to my own apartment in Draper. As part of the divorce plan, I also agreed to take our dog Sandy with me, while my ex has retained Milo and Maggie. So Sandy and I are attempting to co-exist while I explore what it's like to live completely on my own. Thus far it's been going pretty well, although financially it's still somewhat of a challenge. There's a lot to be said for the peace of mind that comes from achieving independence and stability on your own and it's done wonders for me mentally and emotionally.

Speaking of emotion, the official one year anniversary of my divorce came and went at the end of September. I was unsure of how I would feel and/or react on that date since I'd never really been through it before, but fortunately it ended up being just another day for the most part. I tried to go out and do stuff that day so I wouldn't think about it as much which did help. I can't say I really shed any tears over it since it's difficult to maintain feelings for someone who is willing to let you walk away and tear your family apart. I realize that it would have been difficult for both of us to maintain our desired lifestyles and that we're both probably happier this way. I guess I just always believed that a commitment like marriage would trump problems of that nature and that we could have overcome it somehow. But since that obviously isn't the case and they say that the first year following the divorce is always the hardest, then I'd say I felt relief more than anything, like I'm finally starting to feel like I can move on. I just wish that my daughter didn't have to be so far away from a part of her family that loves her in order to make that happen. Our divorce has been relatively clean in comparison to many others that I've both heard about and am familiar with from people I know, but I still can't help but wonder what affect it will have on my daughter when she's old enough to hear and understand both sides of the story.

The recent dating scene has helped me move on quite a bit. I've met a number of new cool friends/women and have thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with them. It's definitely helped take some of the sting out of dating, just being able to have a good time and not worry about what might happen so much. At this moment in time, I am not committed to exclusively date anyone. But I will say that I've gone on dates with a handful of women that are intriguing possibilities. I don't know how it will all shake out but I've enjoyed getting to know them and don't have the words to thank them for helping build my self confidence :) They are all close to my heart right now. I don't want to give specifics or name names here since they could all possibly read this and I certainly don't want to hurt any feelings, but I could be persuaded to give details in a private setting if asked :)

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Now playing: Switchfoot - Only Hope
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