As the end of school is just about here, I'm unfortunately still no closer to getting to Boise than I was at the start of the semester. My goal was to be there by the start of Spring Semester '09 at BSU (starts Jan 20), but right now there are no serious job prospects on the horizon. At this point, I'm really questioning whether I truly want to move there or not. There's no question that I want to be closer to my baby and it would be awesome to see her every week. Every time I have to give her back at the end of the visit, it seriously breaks my heart. To go from seeing her every day just recently to a short visit every couple of weeks is really a difficult adjustment for me. The prospect of missing parts of her life and not being able to see her grow up is almost unbearable sometimes.
On the flip side, Utah has always been my home. I'm sure if I gave it enough time, I could grow to enjoy Idaho. I don't think it will ever feel like home though. I only have one family member there who I'm not really close with and a couple of good friends. All the rest of my family is here, including my immediate family that I'm closest with, and most of my friends as well. If I move to Idaho, it's likely that most of the people I'm closest to won't get to see my daughter much at all. Also, if I move to Idaho and eventually marry another woman from there, that will practically ensure that I have to stay there, especially if we have more children. If I happened to get another divorce, that would be even more children in Idaho keeping me there. If I'm being honest, no offense to Idaho residents, but I can't say I'm thrilled about my children growing up in Idaho. From what I've heard from people who've gone to school there, the public school system is behind what it is in Utah. Plus, every time I visit there, I feel like I've gone back in time about 30 years. I just don't really want to make a life there.
Perhaps the biggest problem I'm seeing especially right now is that the job market for IT people like me is less than ideal in Idaho. There's plenty of jobs, but they're all entry level, $10 an hour jobs that one just can't live on, especially trying to support a family. The best salary I've seen for a desktop support person over the last three months is approaching $19 an hour, which is good, but not good enough and not what I could get and am getting in Utah. With HP and Micron recently laying off a ton of people, I don't see a saturated market getting any better in the Boise area any time soon. Most likely, in order to get to Boise, I'd have to "settle" for an under paying job that would barely keep me afloat after the child support, alimony, etc. bills. That doesn't factor in the cost of any new spouse and/or children that could also enter the equation. Chances are, in this economy, any relocation assistance would not available, so I'd have to pay for a move too. Financially, at least for the time being, it just doesn't seem feasible.
So what does all this mean? I wish I could say for sure. I'm really torn between my loyalty to my daughter and the reality of the overall situation. Right now I'm leaning towards staying here, even though I've already paid for admission and to transfer records to BSU. I haven't fully decided yet though, this is just what's been on my mind pretty much daily lately. This is the one of the unfortunate results of divorce and I hoped that I'd never have to deal with this. I don't wish this on anyone.
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